You are who you are Becoming, and that can be Scary!

For the past few months, I have learned more about myself than I ever really expected. It started with little things, pointing out differences between myself and other kids at BYU. Here is why I mention this: In my seminary classes, I was the only kid my age who went to a private school. That being said, my friends aren't members of the Church; they swear, drink, and do other things than members wouldn't do. I love my friends and wouldn't change it for anything, and I wanted to be like them. I wanted to be the "black sheep" among the Mormon kids. Since my freshman year in 2009, I've been swearing more than I should. I'm okay watching rated R movies; I do research before every movie on IMDB, looking at the Parents Guide. If it's too much, I don't see the movie. But here's what became a reality for me this past week: I am changing because I want to change. I want to be better. I want to be like those kids who I annexed myself from.

While on my mission in Colorado Springs, Elder Shayne M. Bowen  came for a mission tour my first year. He was very funny and witty, but he said something that has never left me. "When you know who you are, then you will act accordingly." It is simple but powerful. And while I notice that my preferences are changing, I've tied it back to one moment: I want to become better for a girl. It sounds stupid, and it is, because we're not dating, well, not yet. We haven't friend zoned each other in the slightest, but we're becoming good friends and getting to know each other really well. We know that it's easier to transition from really good friends to a serious relationship. She wants to have what she calls "the college experience", going on dates with different guys, and she wants me to do the same with different girls. With our busy lives, we both know that we aren't in the position to commit to each other, again, at least, yet. But although she is the reason it all started, I now want to be better for myself. I'm not fighting it like I used to. I catch myself changing my music to clean versions, or while listening to my music, I don't want, need, or desire, to swear with the songs. In fact, it  kind of hurts my ears. This is one reason why I decided to see the new Lego Batman Movie instead of John Wick. 

Now, it's clear what is in the future. I am hopeful that I will have a relationship with said girl, and do believe it is a very real possibility. But regardless of the future, I want to change, and I need to change. Specifically, I want to change for said girl, but I want to change for anyone I come in contact with. I have had very spiritual experiences about my future, and I know what can happen. One thing that has been stressed to me is that the Lord's time is not my time. Believe me, I wish His time was my time. For the promised blessings I anticipate in the future, I know I need to embrace change.